We have an unfortunate update to share with our readers today. At 5:00 AM this morning, over 1,000 days without a specific contract designated for them, a significant group of Trupanion’s workforce decided to go on strike. The group accounts for ruffly 300 employees, which is about 38% of our entire company.
In a statement made to the general public and multiple passersby, the group will not return to their desks until their demands are met. One unnamed picketer went so far as to say that their “demands are reasonable and important. Also, squirrel.”
Trupanion wishes to make it abundantly clear that we as a company are united in good faith, believe that all who work within the company’s walls deserve equal rights, and continue to strive towards an agreement. We would like to refer to multiple public accounts of inclusion and investment in this group as examples of our diligence, listed in these publications:
Negotiations are currently underway. As a show of transparency, we will publically share the list of demands below.
List of demands
- Representation on the Board of Directors
- Inclusion in all meetings, as we get nervous when left alone sometimes
- More nap rooms with accommodations for all shapes and sizes
- Acceptance for napping throughout the day
- REMOVE LIDS FROM TRASH CANS
- Cookie dispenser at all of the coffee machines, not just at the front desk
- Indoor bathrooms, for when it’s too rainy or cold outside
- Catwalk and scratching posts along each hallway
- Comfier blankets
- Instead of meeting rooms, indoor parks
- Also, more outdoor parks
- Why do we have a building? Let’s just go to the park
- Head scratches every hour on the hour
- Mandatory playtime
- Special request from cats: No dogs (this is not condoned by the entire group)
We tried to meet with this group before it all came to a head. Unfortunately, during all of these meetings our papers were swiped to the floor. The felines also knocked over all of our water glasses and wouldn’t let us type on our laptops. They made their motives known:
“We have demands. We want more toys.”
At this point, we have no further comments, but will be updating this page as negotiations continue. Happy April Fool’s Day!